To say goodbye is to die a little

Chapter 44

"One cup per person, no snatching."

"Nobody robbed."

"Don't think I didn't see it, you always grab Chang Xiaoguai's food."

Su Yan glanced at Chang Yue, but said nothing.

Wang Xuan felt that the atmosphere was not right, and in a blink of an eye, he caught a glimpse of Chang Yue fiddling with his mobile phone, "Hey, no payment is allowed."

"Oh......"

The handmade drinks in Wang Xuan's store are not cheap, but Chang Yue still gave up paying.

"You and Su Yan can also be regarded as the publicity ambassadors of the store. There is nothing to be embarrassed about eating something," Wang Xuan said with a smile, "I really feel uneasy. You can bring Su Yan to help during the break, but it can't affect your study."

"Okay!"

Chang Yue is very happy with this.

Chang Yue took a sip of the pearls in the cup, while chewing, he peeked at Su Yan who was exceptionally silent.

They were almost at the school gate.

Since waking up from the afternoon nap, Su Yan has spoken very little.

The atmosphere between the two of them is not at all the quietness that they used to turn a deaf ear to the outside world when they were both busy.

Chang Yue tried his best to start the conversation.He swallowed what was in his mouth and tried to explain: "I had a nightmare when I took a nap just now—"

Just about to turn downhill at this time.

Seeing the cars and people parked near the school gate, Chang Yue swallowed the second half of his words again.

The car belonging to Liu Shan was still parked on the side of the road.Liu Shan himself was leaning against the car, with one foot on the curb of the sidewalk, and was breathing heavily.

Chang Yue was choked and coughed.Su Yan immediately faded away from the silence, reached out and patted Chang Yue's back to help him relax, not wanting Chang Yue's attention to be still on Liu Shan, the whole person was very awkward.

"Chang Yue."

"...Changyue!" Su Yan emphasized her tone.

"what?"

Chang Yue was taken aback for a moment, and finally turned his gaze to Su Yan.

Su Yan frowned at him for the first time, "Are you so afraid of him?"

"I'm not afraid..." Chang Yue was speechless, "I just don't want to see him."

Su Yan was silent for a short while.

"Is this the second time you've seen him?"

Chang Yue shook his head, "I've seen it a few times before."

Su Yan frowned again.

He has absolutely no idea.

Chang Yue's performance today is enough to prove how disgusted he is to see the middle-aged man outside the school gate, and he has seen it alone several times before...

Su Yan pulled Chang Yue back a few steps.The two of them still stopped at the corner, hiding their bodies but they could see Liu Shan, so they were silent.

Su Yan was stimulated by the coldness and vigilance in Chang Yue's eyes when he woke up from a nap today, not to mention that there seemed to be subtle disgust in those eyes.

The person who is cold on weekdays, always speaks softly, and smiles sweetly to the tip of his heart, he never knew that he would have such an expression.

Although it wasn't aimed at him, although it was Chang Yue's knee-jerk reaction to certain experiences...but what the fuck those experiences were, he didn't know.

It's not necessary to talk about the past, and he also has a lot of bad things in the past that he doesn't bother to mention, so he doesn't want to ask Chang Yue anything.

But not the same.

He had almost forgotten those bad things a long time ago, but Chang Yue seemed to choose to melt them into his bones, that's why he showed that kind of gaze inadvertently.

Su Yan couldn't be happy.He knew how bluffing he was with a cold face, so he didn't look at Chang Yue.

From time to time someone walks by.

Su Yan looked at Liu Shan who was downhill.

"Don't have such a big reaction because of him. No matter who he is or what he has done, there is no need for him to occupy a place in your heart."

"Do you know how I treated people I hated in the past? I feel dismissive and ignore them. If I really can't let go, I will take revenge back."

"There are many ways to get revenge, and you can think of them easily, it just depends on how you choose."

"But I won't remember these," Su Yan continued, "As long as a period of time passes, I will forget, and forget all those bad things."

"The place in my heart can only be reserved for those who are extremely precious. My family, and you."

He still didn't look at Chang Yue, "If you can't think of a way, I can help you think of it."

Regardless of whether Chang Yue's mood swings were caused by Liu Shan on the slope, Su Yan now wants to vent his anger on Liu Shan, because this is the most serious clue among the clues he found.

He stared at Liu Shan with bad eyes.

The outer edge of the milk tea cup began to have water vapor slowly falling along the wall of the cup.

Chang Yue pinched the cup wall with one hand, and the other hand was hanging by his side. Both hands felt weak, and seemed to be able to hold something firmly.

At the critical moment of entering the school, the flow of people passing by began to increase.

Someone paused to watch, someone hurried past, no matter who they were, they could guess that they were arguing.

There will definitely be people who want them to reconcile, some people who just watch it for fun, and some people who hope that they will be separated from each other.

Su Yan didn't care.

The only thing he thinks is that Chang Yue will never show that look again, for this reason, he will do his best.

The water droplets slid down the index finger to the back of the hand, circled half a circle towards the wrist, and wanted to flow down the forearm again.

It was very itchy, Chang Yue raised his hand to wipe it, and slowly took a small step closer to Su Yan.

"Don't be angry," he said softly, "...I just ate too fast and accidentally choked."

Su Yan didn't say anything else, and started to walk towards the school gate.

Chang Yue hurriedly followed.

Su Yan took two steps and stopped for a moment, "I'm not angry with you."

"I know."

Su Yan looked at Chang Yue who refused to meet his gaze, and took another step.

Slowed down.

Chang Yue followed slowly.He wanted to speak clearly, but there were too many people, and he didn't know what to say, so he couldn't speak for a while.

Noisy crowd, Liu Shan getting closer.Chang Yue didn't want to see that Su Yan didn't get a response, he was really upset.

......

Unexpectedly, Chang Yue took Su Yan to skip class.

Didn't go to Wang Xuan's place, didn't go back to 2206.Chang Yue suddenly reached out and grabbed Su Yan's wrist, turned around with Su Yan caught off guard, and ran in a certain direction.

This move seemed to please Su Yan, and he ran forward without any doubts.Chang Yue didn't feel any resistance from the beginning, so he was distracted by it.

They walked through the streets and alleys together, and the scenery along the way was too late to catch the eye, and they had reached the end.

In the back, it was still Su Yan who took the lead.

Chang Yue looked at the place he wanted to come, then looked at Su Yan in a blink of an eye, and suddenly wanted to say everything.

Those trivial, meaningless things that he felt were hypocritical and could never be forgotten.

The back wall of the school, where they climbed over the wall and left the school gate.

There are high walls on both sides of the road here, one is the school wall, and the other is the wall behind the community.On weekdays, almost only vehicles pass by.There will be no cars at this time, so it is very quiet.

Chang Yue rested against the wall.The old tree in the community wall cast a small shadow, not too big, he was next to Su Yan.

Su Yan tapped his milk tea cup twice with the milk tea cup in his hand, motioning for him to speak.

The strange and wonderful feeling is still circulating in Changyue's heart, as if it can dispel all the anxiety. He originally thought it would be difficult to express, but now Su Yan's random move can be a breakthrough.

"I!"

The sound at the beginning was too loud, and there was a sudden sideways movement of the head.

As soon as Chang Yue and Su Yan looked at each other, they both laughed, and then couldn't stop laughing.

It seemed to be helpless for the impulsive delay, and it seemed to find a way to dissipate the enthusiasm for the extraordinary tacit understanding between the two.

After a while, Su Yan coughed, "I know what you want to tell me, if you tell me, I will listen carefully."

Chang Yue raised the milk tea cup to cool down.He's less impulsive now, but his idea of ​​what to say hasn't changed.

Chang Yue was embarrassed to look at Su Yan, so he looked at the school fence in front and the tree branches exposed above.

Chang Yue spoke slowly, "Su Yan, I'm listening carefully to what you said just now."

"Ah."

"I do keep a lot of things to myself."

"I can't forget some things even after a long time, five or six years, they have always been in my heart, vaguely, as if they have melted into my blood.

"I can't tell anyone, not even my parents."

"Growing up, I also felt that those excruciating experiences were just that."

"But I'm used to it, I just can't forget it."

"Occasionally, I would like to tell someone, even my parents... But the first thing I thought of was that there is no need to say it."

"Because it doesn't make sense."

Chang Yue stopped, took a quick look at Su Yan, and saw that he was the same as usual, so he was completely relaxed.He stood sideways, with his left shoulder slightly pressed against the wall, his head slightly lowered, looking at Su Yan's neckline.

"But now I think it's not difficult to tell you those boring things."

Su Yan smiled.

"Liu Shan, that person just now, he is my biological father, my mother became pregnant with me after getting engaged to him."

Chang Yue raised his head and glanced at Su Yan.

Seeing that Chang Yue was actually still a little uneasy, Su Yan pulled him, and the two sat directly on the concrete floor.

"No wonder you can't get fat all the time. You can't compare with Uncle Lu."

"..."

Chang Yue was happy, "My dad is overworked and fat."

"My grandfather has always disliked Liu Shan. He thinks that Liu Shan is pedantic, sloppy, cunning, and untrustworthy. So until Liu Shan got engaged to my mother, he didn't look good."

"It did come true later on."

"My mother often said that Liu Shan was a bad character, but he had an attractive appearance. At that time, my family's conditions were not as good as they are now, and Liu Shan couldn't stand my grandfather's anger. Before getting married, he secretly had a relationship with a rich girl. Ran."

"Not long after my mother gave birth to me, she went out to work on her own, and I lived with my grandparents. She was very busy and only came back to see me during the holidays."

Chang Yue touched his ears.

"When the conditions improved, my mother took me to live in the city where she worked."

"The day I left Beidou Town seemed to be my eighth birthday."

"I was a little sensitive when I was a child," Chang Yue smiled. "In an unfamiliar environment, I felt unsafe outside my home. I wanted to go back to my grandparents, but I was afraid of causing trouble and looked out of place. So when my mother asked When I want to stay and meet some new friends, I agree."

"For me at that time, except for my home in Beidou Town, I lived in the same place, and it might be good to change the environment... But now that I think about it, I didn't really want to live on campus at that time, but I didn't want to live on campus. uncertain."

"But the accommodation didn't change the relationship between me and my classmates."

"There are too many places to get used to. I can't understand the dialect they speak, and I have a living habit that is somewhat different from theirs. My introverted personality also prevents me from learning to communicate."

"I've tried a few times and I still don't fit in, so they all like to target me."

"Thinking about it now, those little kids didn't use any clever tricks. It's just that they were trapped in school most of the time at that time, and finally mustered up the courage to tell the teacher that the teacher just said something harmless. I'm afraid The answer is the same, so I can’t even speak when I go home.”

"The world was too small when I was a child. When I encountered something, it was like being isolated in a place where others couldn't get through and I couldn't get through. The body was really fine, but the heart was gradually closed. How should I put it, it seems to gradually become contemptuous desolate."

"For a while, I couldn't speak, and I was a little autistic...It happened that something bad happened in school at that time," Chang Yue frowned, and paused again, "I can't say this , I’ll tell you later.”

Su Yan immediately agreed, "Okay."

"My mother must have had a hard time at that time," Chang Yue continued, "She wanted to take me to see a psychiatrist, but I didn't want to, so she and my dad found a lot of psychological books to read by themselves, and hid I went to a psychiatrist."

"I don't know how good it is. I actually don't feel that I have changed. I just feel that they are easy to talk to again."

In the end, Chang Yue used a very relaxed tone and laughed.

"My dad took me to learn to swim after elementary school. He probably used swimming as a therapy at first, but I was very happy."

"The happiest year should be the first year of junior high school. At that time, my mother revealed to me that they wanted to come back, and I also wanted to. So in the three years of junior high school, my mind was on study. He helped me apply to the current school, so I came back."

"It's just that there was something wrong with the procedures, and the admission procedures were completed a month late."

"I only came here a month earlier than you!"

The cup of milk tea in my hand has become warm, and there is no trace of water dripping from it.

These words are often difficult to say, intermittently, and it took a lot of time.

Su Yan was silent almost the whole time, and seemed to be less happy than Chang Yue for some reason.

Chang Yue also tapped Su Yan's milk tea cup twice with the milk tea cup in his hand, "I feel pretty good now. I'm really like what you said, I can't remember those happy and pleasant things. I'm changing ...You know, I have been keeping a diary since the beginning of this year. In fact, I have written down many precious memories, and emails are all stored in the mailbox, so I can't lose them no matter what.

"There are sixteen articles now," Chang Yue squeezed the cup, "There are a lot of them, all related to you."

Su Yan was taken aback for a moment, and suddenly felt better.

Su Yan put her arms around Chang Yue's shoulders, and looked back at Chang Yue from the school wall, "That's enough, take your time, you're great."

Chang Yue pear vortex appeared.

He thought of something, and explained: "However, the diary I wrote can't be read yet, at least until we are 40 or [-] years old. I will show it to you at that time. If I read it now, I will definitely delete it."

"Understood, we'll watch it when we're older," Su Yan didn't refuse at all, "You can put some photos in."

Chang Yue raised his eyebrows, "I've thought of it a long time ago."

 … "$TITLE" by $AUTHOR

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