MC Bookstore Chapter 63, Myself
Chapter 63, Myself
Shen Meng brought out two bowls of noodles from the kitchen, placed them on the coffee table, and pushed one of them in front of Zhang Ruonan.
"Eat up, I cooked it."
Zhang Ruonan, who had a cold, looked down and saw that the noodles were clumped together, the soup was almost gone, and the fried egg was burnt on one side.
"When did you learn to cook noodles?" Zhang Ruonan asked.
"This morning," Shen Meng said matter-of-factly.
Zhang Ruonan looked at her and couldn't help but laugh.
Shen Meng flew from Hangzhou to watch "The Left Ear" with her. She took a day off, and with the weekend, she could stay in Beijing for three days.
I took an early morning flight, and it was still dark when I landed.
When she picked her up, Shen Meng was dragging a suitcase and carrying two meat buns in her hand, saying, "The buns in Beijing are bigger than those in Hangzhou."
"Is it good?" Shen Meng sat on the carpet, looking up at her.
Zhang Ruonan took a bite, chewed it, and swallowed it.
"It's so delicious, Mengmeng!"
"It's good that you're not like your boss, who only knows how to say 'it's okay'."
Shen Meng picked up a noodle from her bowl, blew on it, and put it in her mouth. She mumbled, "Let me tell you, I saw on Weibo today that Gao Huan's fans have completely flooded the trending topics. I saw seven or eight topics related to 'The Left Ear' on Weibo alone."
Zhang Ruonan remained silent.
She opened her phone and tapped on Weibo.
#TheLeftEarRelease# is the number one trending topic.
Clicking in reveals nothing but fans posting their ticket stubs, leaving positive reviews, and recommending the product.
Fans of Huanxing (a popular online celebrity) celebrated like it was Chinese New Year, posting one long essay after another in the super topic. Some said, "I've waited a year, and today is finally here." Others said, "Huan Ge (a popular online celebrity) deserves it, Xu Yi (another popular online celebrity) deserves it." Some said, "I've already bought five tickets to take my whole family to see it."
As Zhang Ruonan looked at those words, an indescribable feeling welled up inside her.
There is a complex and joyful feeling of "I am one of them, but I am more than just one of them".
She was his fan.
But she's not just a fan now.
She was the one he personally chose to "hear your voice," the first female artist signed to his studio, and the first love girl standing behind him eating chocolate in Dove GG.
She has his WeChat, his phone number, knows which city he's filming in, and knows what song he's been writing lately.
She knows a lot about things his fans don't.
She also knew which female celebrities were with him at certain times, but he never took the initiative to chat with her.
Aside from work-related matters, those relayed by Yangyang Jin, arrangements made by the studio, and photos taken by GG, there was nothing else.
Zhang Ruonan sometimes wonders if she's on his list of people he cares about.
But she would dismiss the thought in less than a second each time, because she was afraid the answer wouldn't be what she wanted.
"Ruonan," Shen Meng called to her.
Zhang Ruonan snapped out of her daze. "Hmm?"
"Don't you think you've lost weight recently?"
"no."
"You've lost weight." Shen Meng put down her chopsticks and looked at her seriously. "Your chin is so sharp. Are you not eating properly?"
Zhang Ruonan lowered her head and looked at the lumpy noodles in the bowl.
"I ate it."
"What did you eat?"
"takeout."
"What takeout?"
"...I forgot."
Shen Meng sighed, stood up, walked to her side, sat down next to her, and put her arm around her shoulder.
"Zhang Ruonan, let me tell you, this won't do. You dropped out of school and came to Beijing, not to end up like this."
Zhang Ruonan leaned on her shoulder without saying a word.
"You did it to get closer to him." Shen Meng's voice wasn't loud, but every word was clear. "But getting closer to him is to make yourself happier, not to make yourself sadder."
Zhang Ruonan's eyes reddened.
She didn't cry; she swallowed back the bitterness in her heart.
"I'm not unhappy." Her voice was a little muffled.
"Who are you trying to fool?"
"Just kidding."
Shen Meng laughed, a very forceful laugh, her shoulders shaking.
"You really are something. Okay, okay, let's not talk about this anymore. What time is the movie?"
"Three o'clock in the afternoon."
"There's still time. Come on, let's eat noodles first, and then I'll help you with your makeup."
Zhang Ruonan sat up straight and looked at her.
"What kind of makeup should I wear?"
"Let's go see a movie," Shen Meng said matter-of-factly. "It's your boss's first movie, how can you go without makeup? You need to let him know that you, Zhang Ruonan, are the most beautiful one."
Zhang Ruonan paused for a moment, then smiled.
The smile started at the corners of his mouth, slowly spreading to his eyes, and then to his entire face.
"I'm not the best looking."
"Who are you."
"Dudu and Gulnazar are both prettier than me."
"You're younger than them all."
"...Shen Meng, you..."
"What's wrong?"
"It's nothing, thank you for coming to keep me company."
Shen Meng looked at her, her eyes reddening, but she didn't cry.
She reached out and gently patted Zhang Ruonan's head twice, with just the right amount of pressure, like petting a calm cat.
"You're my best friend, if I don't keep you company, who will? I even support you sleeping with your boss soon!"
"Okay! I'll do my best!"
The two looked at each other and laughed for a while, then simultaneously lowered their heads and began to eat their noodles.
The noodles had gone cold and clumped up even more, but Zhang Ruonan felt this was the best meal she had eaten since coming to Beijing.
Because his best friend was sitting across from him.
This girl wouldn't call her crazy for dropping out of school, wouldn't call her dreaming for falling for someone unattainable, and wouldn't pretend not to know she was sad when she was alone.
This person flew over from Hangzhou when she had a cold, felt lost, and was somewhat discouraged.
After finishing the last bite of noodles, Zhang Ruonan put down the bowl, stood up, and walked to the window.
The sky over Beijing was overcast with low-hanging clouds, and sunlight peeked through the gaps in the clouds like a few broken golden threads.
The office buildings in the distance were lit up, and the spire of the China World Trade Center Phase 3 was faintly visible in the mist.
She thought he would appear on the screen at three o'clock in the afternoon.
On that screen, he belonged to everyone.
including her.
Zhang Ruonan took a deep breath and turned around.
"Mengmeng, let's put on makeup together."
Shen Meng sprang up from the sofa, her eyes shining like two lit lamps.
"Okay! What kind of makeup do you want? Innocent? Alluring? Sweet?"
Zhang Ruonan thought for a moment.
"Make myself so he'll remember me."
Shen Meng paused for a moment, then smiled.
"You're going to see a movie, not a blind date."
"I know," Zhang Ruonan said, "but what if? What if I run into him when the show ends?"
Shen Meng looked at her, neither saying "You're overthinking it" nor "It's impossible."
She simply nodded, said "okay," then rummaged through her bag for her makeup bag and pulled Zhang Ruonan into the bedroom.
2:40 PM, a cinema in Beijing.
When Zhang Ruonan and Shen Meng arrived, a long queue had already formed at the entrance of the theater.
The light signs rose and fell in the crowd, the most prominent one being the word "Joy," blue in color, its LED light still dazzlingly bright under the afternoon fluorescent lights.
Next to it was a banner with the words "Xu Yi" on it, and next to that was a banner that read "Happy Star Forever," which was held up by the crowd and fluttered in the wind in the cinema corridor.
Wearing a mask and pulling up the hood of her sweatshirt, Zhang Ruonan followed behind Shen Meng, squeezing through the gaps in the crowd.
She didn't want to be recognized.
The tickets were sent to her by Yangyang Jin; two tickets, for the VIP lounge, middle row, by the aisle.
Looking at the two tickets, Zhang Ruonan felt that Yangyang Jin must have hesitated when choosing her seats. If they were too close, she might feel too close; if they were too far back, she might feel neglected.
It's in the middle, near the aisle, not too far, not too close—just the right distance.
Yangyang Jin is that kind of person.
Everything is done perfectly, not a bit more, not a bit less.
When it came time to check the ticket, Zhang Ruonan handed the ticket to the ticket inspector, her hand trembling slightly.
She and Shen Meng entered the theater and found their seats.
The seats in the VIP lounge are wider than those in the regular lounge, and they are made of genuine leather and are very soft to sit on.
Zhang Ruonan took off her mask and placed it on her knees.
The lights in the theater were still on, and people around were chatting. Some were discussing Gao Huan's previous works. Someone said, "I've seen him play Baili Tusu." Someone else said, "I love his song 'One Meat, One Vegetable' the most." Someone else said, "Have you seen 'The Coffin in the Mountain'? His portrayal of Xiao Zongyao was absolutely amazing."
Zhang Ruonan listened to those words and a slight smile appeared on her lips.
She recalled those nights in her dormitory at Hangzhou Dianzi University, lying on her bed scrolling through his photos, listening to him sing, and watching him act.
The sound from her headphones traveled thousands of kilometers, from Beijing to Hangzhou, from the microphone to her ears, and from her ears to her heart.
At that time, she felt that he was a star in the sky, and she was an insignificant shadow on the ground. The star was in the sky, the shadow was on the ground, and the shadow could never reach the star.
Now she sits in the theater, waiting for him to appear on the screen.
The stars are still stars, but the shadows are no longer shadows.
Shen Meng leaned closer and whispered, "Are you nervous?"
"A little," Zhang Ruonan said.
"Why are you so nervous? It's not like you're acting."
Zhang Ruonan did not answer.
She was nervous because she knew the film was important to him.
"The Left Ear" is his second film.
She hopes it's alright, and she hopes he's alright.
The lights went out.
The theater fell silent.
The screen lit up, first displaying the dragon logo, then the logo of Enlight Media, and finally the name of director Alec Su.
Zhang Ruonan held her breath.
The first shot is of a narrow alley where sunlight filters through the leaves, casting dappled shadows on the ground.
A boy in a white shirt walked out from the depths of the alley, walking slowly, as if he wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere.
He lowered his head, his hair falling down to cover half of his eyebrow, and his lips were slightly pursed, as if he were angry, or as if he was just unhappy.
Zhang Ruonan's heart skipped a beat.
Xu Yi.
Gao Huan.
She couldn't tell the difference.
She didn't want to distinguish between them either.
He was on the screen, very close to her, close enough that she could see the curve of his eyelashes, the lines of his lips, and the way the beauty mark at the corner of his eye reflected slightly in the sunlight.
He was far away from her, so far that when she stretched out her fingers, she would only touch the cold surface of the screen, not his face.
Zhang Ruonan pulled her fingers back, placed them on her knees, and clenched them tightly.
The movie is playing.
Xu Yi went from being a good student to a bad student, from a sunny boy to a degenerate youth, from a child crushed by his family to someone who took revenge on the world through depravity.
Gao Huan acted very well, so well that Zhang Ruonan forgot he was Gao Huan several times and thought he was Xu Yi.
But every time he laughed, she would wake up. That laugh wasn't Xu Yi's; it was Gao Huan's.
She had seen that kind of smile—a smile that was a little roguish, a little gentle, and a little like "I know everything but I'm too lazy to say it"—in the recording studio, at the door of the room, and in the corner of the coffee shop.
That was his smile, not any other character's.
In the latter half of the movie, Xu Yi works at a convenience store, wearing cheap work clothes, bending over to stack bottles of drinks from boxes onto the shelves.
Little Ears stood at the door watching him for a long time, but didn't go in.
He knew she was there, but he didn't turn around. She turned and walked away, her figure receding into the distance.
Zhang Ruonan's eyes reddened.
She remembered when she was in France, standing on the roadside by the Seine, hundreds of meters away, watching Gao Huan and Dudu walk hand in hand.
Their silhouettes were stretched long by the setting sun, cast on the stone path, like two people who would stand together forever.
She didn't cry, but her eyes were red.
The images on the screen now overlap with what I saw that day.
It wasn't exactly the same, but she thought it looked very similar.
It's always one person waiting, and one person walking.
In both cases, only one person turned back; in the other case, no one did.
One person cried, but the other didn't know.
Tears welled up and streamed down her cheeks, dripping onto the back of her clenched hands.
Shen Meng handed her a tissue from the side without saying a word.
Zhang Ruonan took it, wiped her eyes, sniffed, and continued reading.
Tears were still flowing, but she didn't wipe them away.
The movie is over.
The lights came on.
The people in the theater began to applaud.
Some people stood up, some wiped away tears, some posted on social media, and some answered the phone saying, "Come and see, it's really good."
Shen Meng turned her head to look at her, her eyes also red.
"Ruonan, are you alright?"
Zhang Ruonan sniffed, smiled, and said, "Very good."
The two people stood up from their seats and followed the crowd out.
In the corridor, people were discussing the plot. Some were shouting, "Gao Huan is so handsome!" while others were whispering, "Dudu acted so well."
As Zhang Ruonan listened to those sounds, that indescribable feeling returned to her.
She knew that in the convenience store scene, he arranged every bottle of drink on the shelf himself. The props team arranged it three times, but he was not satisfied, saying, "Xu Yi wouldn't arrange things so neatly. He is a person whose life has shattered him."
His fans are unaware of this.
she knows.
Perhaps it can be explained by the fact that she is considered special.
But she also knew that in that drama, the person standing next to him wasn't her. It was Dudu.
Zhang Ruonan took a deep breath, suppressing the bitterness in her heart.
So she sent Gao Huan a WeChat message.
"Let's go back."
Shen Meng took her arm, and the two walked out of the cinema.
The afternoon sun was a bit too bright, so Zhang Ruonan squinted, took out her phone, opened WeChat, and found Yangyang Jin's chat window.
She typed a message: "Sister Yangyang, the movie was great. Huan Ge acted really well."
After sending the message, she looked at the pinned profile picture, but there were no new replies, so she put her phone in her pocket.
Once in the car, Zhang Ruonan sat in the back seat, leaning against the window, watching the city of Beijing slowly recede in the afternoon sunlight.
Shen Meng sat next to her, scrolling through Weibo, muttering things like "The trending topics are exploding again" and "The box office has broken records."
Zhang Ruonan happily echoed her sentiment.
At the same time, she was also thinking that one day, she could stand in front of him, not as a fan, not as a signed artist, not as "the girl he chose".
It was in her own capacity.
Zhang Ruonan.
My phone vibrated.
She picked it up and looked at it.
Yangyang Jin replied with a message: "Okay, I'll pass it on to him. Xiao Zhang, you have a new course the day after tomorrow. I'll send you the teacher's materials, please take a look."
Zhang Ruonan's heart skipped a beat as she looked at the words.
She replied with two words: "Okay."
Then she typed another line: "Sister Yangyang, thank you."
After sending the message, she put her phone in her pocket and leaned back in her seat.
The city of Beijing outside the window continued to recede, and the spire of the China World Trade Center Phase 3 gleamed in the sunlight, like a glowing needle piercing the sky.
Zhang Ruonan closed her eyes, recalling the moment she secretly leaned against Gao Huan's shadow shoulder during the GG shoot that day.
The wind from outside blew in through the cracks in the window, blowing her hair onto her face.
She didn't push it away.